My Two Cents

Sunday, July 23, 2006

SNOOCH TO THE BOOCH!

There's been a lot of hype, especially the last few weeks, about Clerks II, which was released this weekend.

Is it possible for the great Kevin Smith to do justice to the original, or even the other kickass films he's made over the last 10 years?

Many have speculated that Clerks II would be a bomb, and the speculation wasn't entirely unfounded. Sequels that suck ass are common place, especially the sequel to something as mind-numbingly awesome as the original Clerks.

Well, Todd and I just returned from seeing the new Kevin Smith offering and let me just say; THAT MOVIE WAS FUCKING AWESOME!!!!

Smith not only lived up to the original and his other movies, he totally blew them out of the water. This might have been the lewdest, crudest, most twisted movie ever made. And it was pure heaven.

Smith not only pushed the envelope with this flick, he grabbed it, tore it up, stuffed it down his throat, shit it out and lit the fucking thing on fire!

Go see it. Now. Stop reading this blog. Sign off the Internet, get in your car and drive, really fast, do all the lights, speed, run cats over, it's ok... just get to your nearest theater as soon as humanly possible.

Seriously. I'm not writing anymore. Leave!!

Oh, and one more thing. Remember, sometimes it's ok to go ass to mouth.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!!

For the last half hour or so, I've been wandering around the house, cursing at the top of my lungs and hitting things.

I found a listing of Wednesday nigh't Bon Jovi setlist online, and, as it turns out, not only did Tuesday night's lightning storm cut the Bon Jovi show short, but it probably cost those with me and around me seeing a reaction no one woul believe any human could display.

There are about three Bon Jovi songs that I am in love with, though would have bet my life there would be no way in hell they would ever play live.

"These Days," "Something to Believe in" and "Dry County."

Well, guess what, kids; THEY FUCKING PLAYED DRY COUNTY DURING WEDNESDAY NIGHT'S ENCORE!!

This is proof that there is no God. And if there is, he really, really hates me -- not that I can blame him.

Come to think of it, when we were tailgating and "Dry County" came on the CD player, I believe I commented "Here's a song that there's no way in hell they would ever play live, yet if they did I might shit myself."

Oh, yeah, and they played "Blood on Blood," too, my favorite song, which they play from time to time, but didn't Tuesday night.

KILL ME!

Bon Jovi and the Wrath of God





So, it’s been a while since I’ve blogged. It’s not that nothing blog-worthy has happened, it’s just that I needed to give you all as much time to digest my last blog as it did for me to put it together.

I was getting my 23 pages of Word Perfect worth one way or another.

A quick review of the last three weeks before we get to the most recent happenings:

*** Had a nice bout with a kidney stone July 1, causing me to miss a Buddhist wedding I was looking forward to. Played softball the next morning, but used the stone as an excuse to blow off my cousin’s wedding in Connecticut.

*** Totally enjoyed David Wright’s performance in the home run derby, even though I was not happy that he entered it in the first place. I see no reason to risk fucking up his swing. Judging by his homer in the All Star game, as well as his performance since the Mets have resumed their season, it’s all good.

*** I don’t know why everyone was so fired up by what Carlos Beltran did in the All-Star game. Sure, he had two hits, including a double, and scored a run. But the fact is that he stole third base with two outs to set up that run, and to those of us who still hold fundamental baseball dear, there’s no excuse for that, especially with a lineup full of fucking All Stars behind you. Beltran got lucky and was safe, but that easily could have gone the other way and killed a rally.

*** Courier News sports editor Dave Siminoff and his wife, Peggy, welcomed twins last Thursday, Shane and Madison. A hearty mazel tov to the Siminoff clan.

*** I discovered I actually like deviled eggs. They never appealed to me before. Go figure.

*** Bunch of cats left the building, including Pink Floyd co-founder Syd Barrett.

*** Had a root canal.

Now, on to more recent news.

The last few days have definitely had its ups and downs.

One of my best friends, Matt, was supposed to come up from Florida for his brother’s wedding and Tuesday night’s Bon Jovi show at Giants Stadium. He moved there two years ago after growing up in NJ, and he was actually a major reason why I got into Bon Jovi as hardcore as I did. Still, as he did when he was supposed to come up for the arena show in December, Matt bailed at the last second. I won’t get into the details about why he didn’t make it... again… but it really but a damper on what had promised to be a great long weekend.

His not showing up meant my plans for Saturday were shot, as were our plans to go to AC Sunday, among other things.

The one good thing to come out of Matt’s absence was that it opened up a ticket for Jersey Girl to join us for Bon Jovi -- she had apparently not known she would be in town for the show when tickets first went on sale, so Matt’s no showing up worked nicely for her. She thanked me by serving me up three homers Sunday when she made her return to the softball field and the pitcher’s circle, after being gone a couple of weeks. In all, she gave up 10 first-inning runs, and back-to-back-to-back homers in the sixth inning, with yours truly anchoring that particular relay.

Which reminds me, I’d like to take a moment to wish a speedy recovery to the Local Shill, who left the game early after injuring his hand diving for a ball in the outfield.

Anyway, after much debate about the start time for our tailgate Tuesday, (I wanted noon, others in the group had other ideas), we finally got started at about 2 p.m. Myself, Brooke and her fiancé, Clark Kent, who was easily the most intoxicated and the most out of control in our group Tuesday, arrived and set up, getting a comfy spot at the back of Lot 8, adjacent to Gate B.

As a reminder for those of you who might have missed it, Brooke went through quite the difficult time at the December show. She, and, by association, Clark Kent, got tossed without seeing the band because Brooke couldn't hold her liquor and spent most of the time puking in the ladies room, so this was somewhat revenge on his part. I wish I could link to the story I blogged about on MySpace at the time, but no link is available. If you really want, go to my My Space blog and look for the post from Dec. 20, 2005.

Anyhoo, Jersey Girl arrived just before 3 p.m., while Bryan arrived soon after. Bryan’s fiancé, Jen, joined us at about 6:00.

We had a nice little tailgate. The booze was a’flowin', the food was a'grillin’, the tunes were a’playin' and the shtick was a’flyin'.

Oh, and it was 102 degrees out.

Still, we persevered, heading inside just after 7:00 p.m. – Bryan and Jen went in at about 6:15 – but the remaining four agreed we couldn’t give a toss about two no-name opening bands and Nickleback.

Bon Jovi hit the stage at 8:15, opening with Neil Young’s “Rockin’ in the Free World.” They followed that up with “You Give Love a Bad Name,” and away we went.

A little more than half way through the show, the heavens opened up and it started to rain – on and off and fairly lightly at first, but it grew steadier as we went.

“Nor rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor hail will stop us from playing tonight,” Jon Bon Jovi told the crowd on a couple of different occasions. Well, apparently he didn’t consider lightning; because once the light show started we knew the show wouldn’t last much longer.

Oh, and then Jon had to go and piss of God, saying, “Lord, don’t fuck with me when I’m playing in Jersey!”

Mr. Bon Jovi soon realized that wasn’t such a great idea, and later recanted, but the show was still cut short by five or six songs, as the band finished the main set with “Raise Your Hands” and “Who Says You Can’t Go Home?” and played just one encore, “Living on a Prayer,” before saying good night.

A quick review of the show itself before I get to the post game:
I have seen Bon Jovi about a dozen times now, and I would say, all-in-all, this may have been the worst show I’ve seen.

First of all, they cut it short. Not the band’s fault, but still. Secondly, while they played the songs you expect to hear, “Prayer,” “Wanted,” “Bad Medicine,” etc., they did not play one thing that made me stand up and go “Yes! They’re playing this! They NEVER play this!” For me, that is a must at a concert. Play something that wasn't a radio hit! I mean, they've been playing "Wild in the Streets" on this tour, as they do on most tours, but they didn't even get to that Tuesday!

But perhaps the worst of Bon Jovi’s transgressions was that instead of playing “Bed of Roses” the good old fashion way... y’know, the version that made the song a hit, they played the shitty assed near-acoustic version they put on the album “This Left Feels Right,” that turd they dropped on the world a few years ago, containing a whole album full of their hits they decided to go and fuck up for no good reason.

Stench in digital.

I guess if I had to point to one highlight, it was when they played “Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen from Mars,” off the “Crush” album.

Anyway, when show was over, and after waiting in gridlock on the concourse trying to get out of the stadium and to our cars, we finally headed down the escalator – out seats were first tier, section 113, for those of you familiar with the stadium – we headed to our cars. But the short walk was not without its entertainment, as a nice little rain-soaked brawl erupted. Bunch of cats went at it, throwing haymakers and rolling around in the rain and broken beer bottles.

Eh, I’ve seen better fights, but that held my attention for at least a minute or two.

Upon returning to my car in time to hear the highlights from the Mets 8-3 victory over Cincy on Mets Extra, I sat there for a while to give traffic a chance to thin.

When I finally pulled out – at around 11:10 – things did not go smoothly. I’ll spare you the boring details, but let’s just say I took the Turnpike to Route 3, got off Route 3 when that backed up heading for the Parkway, went through local streets in Passaic Park and Clifton, dodged a couple of detours caused by downed power lines and fallen trees, went down Route 21, through Newark, over to Route 22 through Hillside and Union and onto the Parkway home to Edison.

I arrived at about 12:45 a.m.

Still, all in all, I enjoyed the day. But more because of the company I kept than the band I went to see.

Though all the bullshit and Mother Nature’s wrath, a good time was had by all.

Tuesday night’s shortened setlist:

"Rockin' in the Free World"
"You Give Love a Bad Name"
"Bounce"
"Born to Be My Baby"
"Story of My Life"
"I'll Sleep When I'm Dead"
"Runaway”
"Captain Crash and the Beauty Queen From Mars"
"It's My Life"
"Wanted Dead or Alive"
"In These Arms"
"Bed of Roses"
"I'll Be There For You" (with Richie Sambora on vocals)
"Someday I'll Be Saturday Night"
"Have a Nice Day"
"Bad Medicine"
"Raise Your Hands"
"Who Says You Can't Go Home"

Encore:
"Livin' on a Prayer"