Two Jews walked into a church...

Two ticket to Christian rock concert, $88.10.

Parking, $12.

Seeing 7,000 people giving the Hitler salute, priceless!


Who knew I would actually PAY to attend a church service for the first time?

I didn’t know quite what to expect when my brother and I arrived at the Continental Airlines Arena on Sunday night for a Christian music concert starring Chris Tomlin, Mark Redman and Louie Giglio.

We arrived at around 6:30 for a 7:30 p.m. show, and parked right up front in a handicapped spot – and you people think I’M shady? My brother’s the one with the decal.

We went in to pick up our tickets at Will Call and the first thing that struck us was the massive number of Asians in attendance. Aren’t these people supposed to be Buddhists or something?

Anyway, we got our tickets and went back to the car to hang out, listen to some tunes, smoke a little herb and get ready for what we both knew would be a very interesting evening.

We finally made our way inside and over to our seats in Section 124. As we settled in and looked around it became increasingly clear that this wasn’t going to be a normal rock show, something that should have struck me immediately when they let me keep the cap to the bottle of water I purchased, as well as the fact the security guard that frisked me upon my entering the arena simply gave me a quick pat down and never grabbed my crotch, something I look forward to when I normally enter a venue.

It was a pretty young crowd. There were a lot of teenagers, young teenagers even, and lots of families. When the father, mother, son and daughter sat in the row in front of us, and the little girl, who couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8 years old had her doll in tow, well, somehow I knew I wouldn’t be yelling out “show us your tits!” toward the first decent-looking chick I saw once the lights went down.

Once the show began, if only for a couple of moments, it all seemed like a normal concert. Everyone got on their feet as the band hit the stage, the music sounded great, the band was really rocking. Soon we realized the headliner, Chris Tomlin, was on stage and we thought it was a bit odd that the opening acts didn’t go on first. Then, as he started singing, the lyrics to the song appeared on the screen behind him, which also wasn’t something we were used to

My brother and I looked at each other and shrugged, and went back to enjoying the festivities, singing along with the rest of crowd.

Slowly, many of the people around us starting lifting their arms toward the stage in a Hitler salute, something, that soon dawned on me, I had seen in those infomercials. I guess this is how Christians worship.

Alright. Cool. We hadn’t wandered into a Nazi Youth meeting.

Everything was going great. While it didn’t inspire me to accept Jesus Christ into my life, nor did it make me want to re-embrace religion of any kind, I was definitely able to see how people are moved by the experience. Hell, I got into it and was singing along, too. Passionate music is passionate music, even if they are singing about something I don’t believe in.

We were having a great time. We knew a lot of the songs and were able to sing along, even when Mark Redman, the “opening act,” took over for Chris Tomlin and played his tunes with the same band, it was all good.

But we still hadn’t heard from Louie Giglio. That was soon remedied.

As Tomlin, who had come back, finished up a tune (Redman sang lead for about one-third of the evening) a gray-haired man without a guitar arrived on stage holding a book.

Yes, as it turned out, it was THAT book, and somehow I knew the evening was about to take a non-musical turn.

As it turns out, Louie Giglio wasn't another singer, but some sort of preacher. He proceeded to preach for the next half hour or so, giving forth what was, for my purposes, a free science lesson, covering astronomy, biology and even molecular biology. (Hey, did you know, Laminin, the molecule that holds our cells together, is shaped like a cross, as is the center of the Whirlpool Galaxy, if you look through the Hubble Telescope? Oh, and apparently, Earth is a golf ball).

After the sermon, complete with inspirational background music and a Power Point presentation, there was an intermission – this was two hours into the show.

As Mini-Me and I headed out for a cigarette we noticed a few very strange things:

* There was no beer on sale, or alcoholic beverages of any kind. So much for replenishing our buzz.

* There was about 7,000 people in attendance and two gates open for smoking breaks (the arena was set up theater style, with half the building curtained off). During intermission, a total of 19 people joined us in lighting up outside Gate D. Does that mean, if you combine the two gates, only 38 out of 7,000 people were cigarette smokers? A total of .005% of the crowd. No wonder Christianity has endured; no lung cancer!

* There were no dames in slutty clothes wandering around. Just wholesome people, Christians, and nobody was getting loud, getting into fights and there was no cursing, at all. I even found myself watching my language!

* Even out on the concession lines, as the band started back up before we had a chance to return to our seats, people were singing along.

* Nobody bared their breasts during “How Great is Our God.”


As we got back in for, what would prove to be, the final hour of the show, the intensity had picked itself up a notch. The preacher was gone and the band was sounding better than ever. I even found myself throwing up a Hitler salute or two when they played a couple of the songs I really liked, including a kickass version of Amazing Grace.

Even the 50-something-year-old yahoo sitting in front of us, who my brother was sure was an a convicted sex offender, was getting more fired up. I’m telling you, this cat had to be from Manville. He even had a friend with him, who might have been his muscle, a large man who never said a word or moved very much throughout the show. He kinda reminded me of Frezza’s friend, Homes.

This guy was great. When Chris Tomlin was telling the crowd how he wrote this and this song at this and this place, this yahoo in front of us would bust out with something like “It’s God’s song! He put it in you!” Or, if Jesus’ name was mentioned, he would cry out, “Amen! Hallowed be is name!” this guy had a comment for everything, and it was awesome. He even got my brother to throw out a patronizing “Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!” a few times, which I wasn’t too thrilled about.

In all seriousness, while I might be one step from being a full-blown atheist, I do respect religion. Not the people who run it, but the people who truly benefit from it, even if I might believe it’s a load of hooey. Some people need that kind of structure in their lives and I applaud their faith and discipline, and I am happy for them that they’ve found something that gets them through their days and gives their lives meaning.

One thing, however, that was disappointing is that I didn’t see anyone “speaking in tongues,” something I was told to be on the lookout for by my friend, Mike, who is a devote Christian, even if he does enjoy MILF porn.

Apparently, some people get so fired up by the religious experience, that they slip into a sort of trance and start speaking some kind of gibberish as they “feel the love of the lord take over their body.”

I had my video phone on ready waiting for that shit, but alas, there was none of it.

Stench.

All in all I really had a great time. The music was great, the people were disturbingly polite, and it was a very interesting experience.

One other regret, though. This shindig lasted for three hours and we never ran into Jesus. I was kind of hoping to meet a fellow Jew at a Christian Worship show.

But I did run into one Bob Makin, the Courier News’ fine music editor, so it wasn’t a total loss.

My brother and I have already begun looking into the next show in the area, maybe we’ll see someone speaking in tongues there, or maybe, if we’re truly blessed, we’ll meet Jesus.

Fingers crossed!

God bless you all.

Spy in the house of the Lord

A while back, I blogged about how I've come to really enjoy Christian music, despite being a Jew.

I've always found those late-night infommercials fascinating. You know the ones, where they're hawking CDs by various Christian artists while showing these clips from concerts where everyone in the audience is all devoted, crying and praising toward the heavens.

The music is great, but I've always wondered if those people are truly THAT into God and Jesus and THAT moved by the music that they respond that way, or if it simply staged for the camera.

Sunday evening I will have my answer.

Partially to answer the above question, partially to enjoy some good tunes, but mostly for shits and giggles, my brother and I decided today that we will be heading to the Continental Airlines Arena for a Christian rock show.

Interestingly, the radio station that is "presenting" this show is Star 99.1 FM. An all-Christian music station I sometimes listen to. Today, while perusing their Web site for more info on the show, I found out something quite interesting. The station that broadcasts Star99.1 FM, locally, is in Zarapeth, NJ: Home of Bob Sanislo and Somerset Christain Academy (formerly Alma Prep), one of the schools in Courier News' coverage area.

I found that amusing.

Anyway, expect a full report on the show.

An open letter to Joe Pendleton

The following is a response to the blog posted by on Feb. 9 by Joe Pendleton entitled "Overrated, overrated" at fishingnotcatching.blogspot.com.

As I starting writing my response to his post, I realized I had a lot more to say then blog-etiquette, not to mention normalcy, permits as a blog comment.

That said, I present what follows:



Dear Joe,

Like your naming Pink Floyd the most overrated band of all time, I, too, thought long and hard about whether or not to respond to the rankings with the following.

It is a little harsh and it is written out of anger, but I still think you are a great man.

First, let me say, though I disagree with a lot of this, a fine job putting it together. Now that I’ve dispatched with the pleasantries, it’s time to get mean. Despite the numerous disclaimers that accompanied your post, I can't help but get fired up by some of these choices.

Let's take this pick by pick:

First, I totally agree with you on the Sex Pistols, John Mellencamp, Kiss (I dig them, but, yeah they're totally overrated), and the Dave Matthews Band… I never liked The Dead very much – I used to go to Dead shows and just hang out in the parking lot instead of going inside – I certainly am not about to go dive into to some cheap knockoff.

Well done.

As for Phil Collins, he's released a few listenable tunes over the years, both as a solo artist and with Genesis, but I have no strong feelings about him one way or another. I mean, I don't think he's overrated simply because I don't think he's that highly rated to begin with.

This brings me to the choices that have drawn my ire. I can't speak for Don Henley's solo career -- though it did produce a couple of songs I love, like Boys of Summer -- but to list the Eagles here is a joke. Sure, Hotel California is drawn out and maybe even overplayed, but it's an epic. A masterpiece. Try sitting back and actually experiencing the song sometime, and try truly understanding the lyrics.

As for the rest of their catalog, the Eagles have produced some stench, sure, but most of it is great. The ninth-most overrated band of all time??? C'mon!

I'm not going to go crazy over Fleetwood Mac. I love them, many other people love them, but I can see how some people would think they're overrated. Some people are more focused on the gossip and the circus that's surrounded them and not the fact that they're a great band. Perhaps you should be working at the Post, instead.

As for Billy Joel, well, we've been though the wars already over this cat. I've said my piece. You've said yours. Like you said, agree to disagree. Let's move on.

Which brings us to Rush and Pink Floyd. I am fucking dumbfounded.

I think I've noticed a pattern. Are you one of those people who just listen to music as background noise to whatever else it is you're doing? I'm surprised. I've always given you more credit as a music fan.

Pardon me for sounding like a pompous ass (someone pointed out to me recently when it comes to my opinions on certain matters, specifically music, I tend to take on a holier-than-thou attitude, sorry. I call it being passionate), but I am one of those people lucky enough to be able to experience music, to feel it, to understand the lyrics for more than they are. Some people, unfortunately, can only just listen. Floyd and Rush don't just write and play music accompanied by random words, they craft it. Their compositions are works of art.

Poll 100 people whose musical knowledge you respect. Poll 100 musicians. Poll 100 people in the music industry. Ask them to name the Top 5 greatest bands of all time, purely from a talent and technical perspective. I guarantee you 95-99 percent of those people you talk to will name Rush. Say what you want about their songs, you cannot dispute their skillz.

I guess that’s why you would say something as ignorant and just plain inaccurate like “when a band relies on its drummer to carry it, you’ve got some problems,” well, this is how I know you’ve got some studying up to do. Yes, Neil Peart is, in my opinion and in the opinion of many, the greatest drummer in the history of this planet, but he does not “lead” Rush. The band had two albums before Peart even joined the group, including Fly By Night, which is some of their best work. Rush is actually led, for the most part, by Geddy Lee’s bass line, if you want to get technical. They build most of their tunes and compositions around a strong bass line – replaced by a strong keyboard presence in the 80’s – and back to bass. Until recently, the guitar was merely spice.

And let’s not forget all the other misinformation you posted. First, it’s “Distant Early Warning,” not “Early Distant Warning.” Second, I don’t know how you went from “Distant Early Warning,” which is on the 1984 album “Grace Under Pressure,” to “Roll the Bones” which is an album they released in 1991. I’m not quite sure where you were going with that. They are very different sounds.

That’s the beauty of Rush, and perhaps one of the reasons they “didn’t know when to go away,” is that they’ve evolved with the times, gaining new generations of fans as they went.. Their music has evolved enough to stay fresh, but not too much where they lose their identity – see Metallica. I didn't get into Rush until well into their career -- their first album was released the year I was born.

I can go on for hours about these guys, their accomplishments, their genius, etc. etc. But I'm fucking riled up enough right now and I don't want to have to drive to South Plainfield and set your cat on fire (you don't have a cat, do you?)

As for Pink Floyd, well, like I said, you either feel it or you don't. You either enjoy what they do and recognize their glory or you take a nap. You've already established your preference. Perhaps you should try being under the influence of something other than alcohol, or Mrs. P, just once or twice. I can think of one substance in particular that might help heighten your senses and you might actually truly appreciate certain types of more cerebral music.

Now that I've said my piece, at least I can take solace in one thing; if I did a list of my top overrated bands, The Rolling Stones would be the undisputed No. 1.

Chew on that!

Hugs n kisses,
The Sandman

A picture's worth a thousand words

And we wonder why people don't trust the media.

I came across THIS story today, about a New York City cab driver who found a suitcase full of diamond rings in his cab, which had been forgotten by a passenger.

Despite the passanger having tipped him just 30 cents, the cabbie still went out of his way to return the jewelry.

In the story, it mentions that the woman didn't want her name publicized, obviously out of embarrassment for both losing the rings, as well as her meager tipping.

The AP complied, and didn't mention her name in the tale. But check out the picture that ran with the story:




















The woman's name -- Lisa Burk Rosenthal -- is clearly visible in the photo.

Clowns!