My Two Cents

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Nudie Magazine Day


"A new independent baseball league plans to bring a grass-roots mentality back to parts of the South and Midwest. The Continental Baseball League will begin play in 2007. Tickets will be priced at $5-$12, and every team will play Sunday doubleheaders.
While nostalgia will be important, the CBL plans to get a little crazy in the seventh inning. In that inning, the first home run hit by the trailing team will count double -- a two-run homer will score four runs, a grand slam will score eight." -- from USA Today Sports Weekly, May 10-16, 2006


To quote the great Adam Sandler in that most classic cinematic masterpiece Billy Madison, "Hahahahahahahaha, SHUT UP!!!!"

I would love to throw out some twirlly six-syllable adjective to express my displeasure here, but the best I can do under these most flabbergasted of circumstances is, simply, THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT!

For starters, I take serious offense to them calling this league the "Continental BASEBALL League." An eight-run homer? This isn't baseball. It's something else. Pick a different name. "Baseball" is already taken!

Besides, didn't MTV already cover this shit with their annual Rock 'n Jock softball turd?

Teams, especially those in the minor league, and even more-so in the independent leagues, have always tried to come up with the wackiest shtick to attract fans. But none of these stunts have had an effect on the game itself. That has always remained pure.

I mean, sure, we've had the midget pinch-hitter, Eddie Gadel, or the one-armed outfielder, Pete Gray, or even Minnie Minoso, playing in five different decades, his last at-bats coming as a 58-year-old in 1980, but these stunts have stayed within the rules of the game.

If this new league wants to attract attention and fan interest, there are plenty of things they can try that haven't been attempted yet, while still maintaining the integrity and tradition of the sport we love as baseball.

I don't care if they have Clowns-Raping-Poodles night, or Senior-Citizen-Colonoscopy-Day, nothing would be as vile as them altering this most sacred of rule books and tainting this most holy of games.

Now go out and FIND THE FUCKING DOG!!!

posted by SJPSandman at 8:53 AM

4 Comments:

  • Predicted news story from June 1, 2006:

    Without consulting other owners, Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig announced a rule change that will turn all home runs hit in the seventh inning by the trailing team to count as double on the scoreboard.

    "We are always looking for ways to keep the game innovative," Selig said. "We also must be wary of increased competition from other baseball leagues."

    In other news, Selig said the National League would immediately implement the designated-hitter rule.

    He also mandated all games tied after nine innings must end.

    By Blogger Pete, at 5/17/2006 12:08 PM  

  • See, Bud Selig, now there's an assclown! (YES! I finally am able to use that!)

    By Blogger SJPSandman, at 5/17/2006 3:24 PM  

  • I must admit....when I was down by 10+ points against my brother in basketball, I would always consider making the 5 point shot legal.

    Then again, what right do I...a 5-6 Jew...have playing basketball in the first place?

    By Blogger Todd Cohen, at 5/17/2006 8:22 PM  

  • First, the rules. Anything that changes the rules should be barred. For example, steroids, enlarged cranial shields and elbow armor that cuts half the plate off. Instead, kick Barry Bonds out of baseball and fans will find the game fun again.

    Second, Jordanberg, you're right. Leave the on-field prowess to the guys and do what we do best. Represent them off the field.

    By Blogger Bich, at 5/17/2006 10:30 PM  

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